I will be Everywhere You look. But Nowhere to be Found

I enjoy a life of nobody. I am not famous-famous or mediocre famous. I blend into the crowd, and that's the beauty of my life. I can go anywhere in the world, and a bunch of strangers will never come to ask for a picture or an autograph. I am someone who thinks you can live life to its fullest out of the limelight and enjoys being just another person.

But sometimes the glory follows me, and it tries to haunt me, but it barely makes any difference to me.

Often, I get blasts from the past, and it's not always a great experience to meet someone who is no longer part of your story. Plus, most of the time, I hate being polite and nice. So I ignore them until they come in front of me, making it impossible to get rid of them.

I don't know what it is about me that people don't value when I am by their side and only realise when I have gone, long moved on and am in a completely different season of my life!!! I am not saying things always ended for good, but then there is a timeframe during which you keep the door open. After that, you lock it, throw the key and build a wall because there is no going back.

Hence, when someone unexpected shows up, it leaves me baffled. Baffled about how they still have my contact details, how they still remember the connection, how they still think I would like to reconnect or mend things. And I just think that many times it's about self-respect and boundaries that one shouldn't cross.

It's not a complaint, but I have never understood getting back to someone whom you have long left and live a fair share of life without. Maybe it's because I have never done that. I try for the person until it makes sense to me, then I cry a river when it comes to moving on, but once I close the door, nothing can change my mind about it. It's about self-preservation, and more than that, it's about learning how that person chose to treat you and make you feel when they had a chance to end things in a better way. I am a big advocate of a civilised ending. As I have said before, climax is the most important thing of all.

Well, some people learn it the hard way or never learn. Both are personal choices. Maybe not conscious, but definitely an active choice.

A couple of years ago, I was involved with someone who lacked basic maturity and had no idea how to deal with day-to-day activities like a normal person. The person was also indecisive and lacked empathy. Being with him made me realise how important expression and sensitivity are to becoming a better person.

It was an eye-opening experience for me because it got me closer to understanding what I cannot have around me in any form. My radar to spot negativity became strong, and I could filter people with a certain energy that wouldn't suit me. Undoubtedly, I ended things with the person, and it was for good. There was no way to reach me.

But...

As I said, the glory tries to haunt, but it fails. My blog is often haunted by this ghost, and it tries to leave its presence in the comment area, but it barely budges me. I have moved on like a queen. And maybe this ghost doesn't have this realisation. That's the reason the ghosts like to project their own insecurity, sadness, selfishness, and negativity on me because they refuse to face them.

And it was during such an encounter that I realised and had the first-hand experience that the opposite of love is indifference, not hatred or anger, because even they are emotions and keep a connection with the person. So it feels so refreshing to become indifferent to such ghosts from the past because their existence, words and actions no longer make any impact. What I love the most is that they still feel invested because they know they are at a loss, so they try their best to trigger and get some kind of reaction. Sadly, they fail because there are no emotions left. The power of indifference is indeed relaxing. Try it yourself!

So dear ghosts, you can haunt me all you want, make an attempt to know more about my life, track my blogs to know what's happening, leave nasty and unwanted remarks on my blogs, but you will not kill my zest. For you are not part of my life. You are dead to me and can never become undead. Your presence and absence, neither of them is being noticed.

Maybe the day you fight your own demons and battles, you will realise the problem was never me. It is and was always the person standing in front of your mirror. Maybe you can start dealing with your problems by not carrying my baggage and checking my blogs. I know you are reading this.

Before I address and dignify your presence one last time, I will leave you with this remark. I hope you understand every bit of it.

"I will be Everywhere You look. But Nowhere to be Found, and that will be My Revenge."

And with that, the Queen is back in her real essence. Until next time, and for sure the next time, miss me, hate, but you are simply unable to ignore or forget me.

With lots of Kisses

The Queen of Random Things